Day Off
Today is my half day off in CAACUPE!
took the 6am bus here, got here at 730, atm, visited the basillica or Cathedral and looked at view,brought veges and stuff for my kitchen ( i saw a teflon pan but am going to wait to buy that when i am out of my house and my family cant see that i spent $10 on a pan, i love teflon pans ! i am a nut but what could be better than not having to use oil or butter!)
then went to my favorite switz cafe had cafe and a ham cheese sandwitch as always. the man that owns it knows me, and is a very attractive, sweet, older swiss. i love it there. this is my fourth time and the first time i felt a little out of place. After ordering i excused myself to wash up. My white shirt (advise: white shirts should NEVER be brought out in the campo) that i had ¨cleaned¨ still had dirt spots on it. Hand washing shirts only gets out so much. During our training I found it funny that they had recommend that everyone has ¨city¨ wear. i understand now the necessity. The bathroom has individual towels to wash your hands with... (very european) they come in handy after a bus ride from the campo. Sitting back down next to another swiss or german couple i notice the paint on my arms still and the crackes, blisters in my hands... well i tried.
The interesting aspect of me feeling out of place is that my women´s committe looks so out of place when they have their market days in san jose on saturdays. I cant figure out completely why they stand out. their insecurities? their clothes? their bodies? San Jose de Los Arroyos is only a few blocks long. I cant imagine the ladies here in Caacupe and that makes me sad but grateful that i can fit in here. It is interesting that Ive learned about myself that i do like feeling like i have money and a status. Only once ive lived in poverty have i been able to understand this.
I find that Peace Corps has stripped me of the ego i gave myself living in the san francisco bay area. I was a burner ( burningman groupie), drum n bass/ dubstep/ sf underground clubbie, a runner and international food lover ( with courtney going to expensive SF restaurants ,to small thai ones to expensive small chocolate delicansans) and an open free minded individual living in the coolest place on earth.... and now in Paraguay that means absolutely nothing... absolutely nothing.. and i thought these things didnt define myself that i was ¨beyond¨ identifying myself with any group- this in itself defined me. the people of the bay area understand one another more or less. my groups defined and reminded me how cool i was. and honestly, being even more honest, losing that is really hard. losing those people that understood you, although back at home i thought they didnt ( another part of my ego). losing what i cherrish. but here in paraguay i do like having money. never in the states NEVER would i admit that money is something that i wanted. but here in paraguay i can take breaks from the lifestyle of the campo and especially the food and spend the 3 dollars on german bread and cheese ham sandwich and sit with a table cloth and napkin with CLEAN table ware. I like the traquility although it is more uptight.
After the swiss cafe ( and obviously WAY too much caffinee...but it was such great cafe!) i went and brought a nice shirt for myself for my days in asuncion. This is another part of me here in PY has changed about me. I hate shopping, and still do, but now when i can look nice i really really want to. and now when i see something nice that says¨hey you are not in the campo anymore and wearing passed down host sisters, or friends clothes with spots that never come off¨ i become like a 12 yr old typical american girl that get a rush of happiness over a stupid shirt.
And now the Internet Cafe with air con...
Update on My House
I am MOVING IN!!! SUNDAY!!!!!! hopefully... One thing that i love but hate about PY is that things can get done really quickly but you will have no idea what day, what time, and whom will be working for you. My bathroom is done ( lacks paint and another curtain). My two rooms have been painted white and hopefully today i willl find blue paint to do the second layer. The outside of the house is still amess except the window sills. The refrigerator has been removed, electricity re-put in, fan functions, one light bulb, paid brother to take down outside kitchen, spayed Mata TODO/ pescide, laided down rat poison ( the kind that dries them so they dont smell) (BTW saw primo step on rat to crush it that fell, then bash it with wood), new locks, cleaned walls, doors, floors, raked and burned leaves in front, and burned garbage. Today my bed and desk hopefully arrive at 7pm (-ish if at all). I leave CAACUPE if all goes well at 2PM. My house has been and still is a giant project. Thanks to the Paraguians I have had a lot of help. On the 23rd of March, my Peace Corps Boss and Assistant are coming to make a Site Presentation aka Who am I? and Ill make a speach as well. Afterwards I want to have a thank you party for my Tio ( who put in the bathroom with his sons), Neighbor, My host family ( brother Rodrigo for cutting grass and the craziness of the 3 days it took to take down the mess of the old wooden kitchen with ants), and sister Deisy who helped me so much. i am so grateful.
New ideas for Project
The teenaged women in my community have it very rough. I want to establish my house as a women´s house. Not sure how, besides inviting Deisy´s friends over and possibly bringing up the subject this Sunday, that I want my house to be a heaven for them to converse about the problems they are facing as a group. I want to paint the inner walls of my patio with women empowerment sayings as well as questions and designs that i want them to draw. I want to start discussion group casually bringing up subjects such as How does the media affect our body image, because here in paraguay you wouldnt believe what is on tv.. think brazilian tv and add some degradation and some small people. Some shows display a female wearing a thong with stars over her nipples as older men judge her against others with rulers. in the states i never felt a need for questions to be asked because for the most part our women are empowered. but here, the women that are with older men with wives, starting at 14 and dont know how to tell if they are pregnant or not ( my neighbor), who are hit, left and constantly taught to be inferior, i want to create a space that allows my sister and her friends to come to and talk about the women in their community... and perhaps after two years i can bring up the use of birth control. sadly before that.... many women here dont know what tampons are and are told many things they cant do while on their periods, including foods they cant eat andthey cant wash their hair ( this is practiced by my older sister and her friends). Women have it really really hard here. I want to considtrate my time here empowering women.
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