Its getting better, better alllllllll the time

So today is my first year mark in paraguay! Its been a year today that i arrived clueless. and i am proud to say, finally after a year i have gain the insight to know how to get through to paraguayans, and how to be a good volunteer.first year the idea of running around to everyones houses in my community to say hi, or allowing my time to be "robbed" by my neighbors, sitting in on meetings, with the womens comite, trying to form and give classes for the girls, was a painful experience. it was hard tiring and boring. honestly. and now i feel like this is all easier because, well they are all my friends and its become less like work and more like YAY i get to see my friends. my time isnt being robbed or being forced to be social or babysit, instead its a time to hear the lattest gossip, share stories, and find ways to get through the cultural barrriers. My secret, the profound secret that i just just just figured out in how i can get through to my super chicas and the comite, my neighbors, the community, how to get ideas tried, crossed and liked, how to TRUELY TEACH rather than talking with a black board behind me, the secret thats taken me a year to accomplish and finally figure out is the simplest, become everyones friends. I look back on how i taught the super chicas, and laugh!! really!! duh!!! they want a friend before a teacher, they want fun before education, and to combine that takes many reuniones of down time. i was lecturing like i was a college professor!!! how could they grasp my meaning??? DUH!!!!!!!! now i celebrate birthdays, i have games to play, we paint our nails, play 25 (futbol game), i ask how was school, life, family, and then maybe an english class, we cook puddings, I HAVE TO DO ALL THIS DOWN GETTING TO KNOW YOU TIME BEFORE EVEN TRYING TO EDUCATE. DUH!!!!!!!!!! i know that in this last year i was told intregating into a community is based on the relationships you formed but i really had no idea how. this includes saying hi and bye to the children as they walk to school, asking them how was school, how was that test? helping them with homework! (even spanish homework!) losing all sense of timidness and walking over to say hi everyday to my neighbor agustina (at least once a day!) this includes a three time a week visit to my host family,being in a great mood for the comite when they come unexpectally to my house, and learning overall to relax, to become traquila and happy. teaching comes later, i knew this but didnt think that a year, a year it takes to truely begin to form bonds which can lead to changing mentalities CAN!
My two lines of lupino (an abono verde) look amazing. a few weeks and it will be ready to either cut the plant for nitrogen fixation in the soil or harvest the seeds. we will leave one line for the seeds and cut the other line for improving the soil. the best thing is that this one day of guapaness, being a hard worker, has lead to the community asking my host mom what these plants are that they can see from the street and her explaining to paraguayans!!! (the best by far method of getting your insights across to paraguayans is of course through another paraguayan) this is a new abono verde for everyone and it looks lindo (pretty) with its white flowers. its easy to harvest the many seeds each plant produces and we will be distributing them to the community. this sounds very guapa of me but really i planted those lines at a time where i felt i wasnt doing anything for the community not realizing that these two lines of lupino educate a community, siempre no es possible para realizar su trabajo en la communidad en este momento, its never possible to see my impact on the community that day, i need to remember, ideas are shared slowly, are taken in after a relationship is formed through trust and love. and honestly i am becoming to love people in my community so fast that it seems like in the states my friendships this deep would take years. here they are friendships that go deep, that protect one another...cant explain the soulfulness of love in friendships yet, its different, and only after a year.
Diana just turned 14, shes one of my favorite super chicas for her enthusiasm, smile and willingness to do whatever. We celebrated her bday at my house instead of having a reunion that day and i cant believe how it finally dawned on me that celebrating her bday here was so much more important than anything i could have taught that day. she invited me to dinner that night and yet another strong tightly formed rooted paraguayan family has taken me in openly. laughfter, joking , relaxing, it was easy for me this time to be eating with a new family... how did things get so much easier??? i finally got the humor, i finally left behind america and my psychosis of anxiety, and learned to enjoy being with a family. i love it now. i cant believe i am saying this. i cant wait to explore my community now, to meet others, when before it was a chore.. i am sooo happy in paraguay, with some downs to remind me that this life is real, and to make me whole.